Op-Ed: I'm Calling for $50 Trillion in New Stimulus

Reading Paul Krugman‘s latest op-ed, in which he declares himself Smartest Man Alive for his calls in early 2009 about the need for big and bold stimulus, I can’t help but feeling that the professor does not go far enough.

You see, in his piece The Real Story, Krugman picks on conservatives and all levels of Austerians for being obstructionist in their opinions back when the size of the stimulus plan was being decided.  The fact that Obama couldn’t create private sector employment if his administration depended on it (it might) tells Krugman that it is only an issue of stimulus size, rather than shape or constitution, that has led to our failure to truly recover.

I have been very consistent on this site for two years now about the fact that it is the TYPE of stimulus that has been wrong all along, I’ve not yet weighed in on the SIZE of it.  But since Krugman’s opened the door with his renewed calls for “boldness”, I’ll bite.  Here goes…

When the President addresses the nation this week with his pre-midterms new stimulus Hail Mary pass, I don’t want to hear about deliberate or even responsible spending.  I want that crazy crazy, nahmean?  I’m looking for intergalactic dollar amounts.  No more half-steppin – time to drop a nuclear bomb on the anthill.

I am publicly calling for $50 trillion in stimulus.  And I want it now.

How do I arrive at that figure?

For starters, it ain’t even real money anymore.  For all the talk of “printing presses”, I go 4 or 5 days at a time without even touching a filthy paper bill.  I bought a Kit Kat yesterday with a Discover Card.  For serious.  It’s all fake money anyway.

The difference between another $1 trillion and $50 trillion is like the difference between how Tiger’s ex will live based on whether she got $100 mil or $750 mil in the divorce.  There’s no difference at all really.

Here’s something else to consider – no one in this country (or their kids or their grandkids) is ever actually going to be paying it back anyway.  Who the hell do we even owe this money to?  Last I heard, one branch or department of the government was making loans to another part of the government with Wall Street banks in the middle laundering it and exacting their commission.  What’s wrong with the refinancEES refinancing the refinancERS?  When the debtors are the creditors are the debtors, who even bothers trying to unravel that pretzel?

I don’t know what you people are all worked up over, a trillion, a few trillion, a lot of trillions, what’s the difference at this point?  Let’s have a stimulus bill so gargantuan that 600,000 people have to be hired just to proofread it.

Whatever, let it rip.  $50 trillion, Barack.  Go big.