Top 10 ETFs They Haven’t Created Yet

With over 400 Exchange Traded Funds (ETFs) on the market right now and new ones being issued each week, we may be reaching the point of ETF overload.  Below are some ETFs that have not yet been created:

Top 10 ETFs They Haven’t Created Yet:

10. Van Eck Doomsayer Gold Worship ETF – seeks to quantify and benefit from the amount of market participants who have become overnight experts in gold, fiat currencies, and Federal Reserve conspiracies.  Co-lead managers Peter Schiff and Ron Paul.

9. SPDRs Select Ponzi Portfolio – seeks to invest in a basket of pyramid schemes, shell games, shakedowns, snow jobs, flim flams, rackets, hoaxes, hustles, frauds, blackmails, ponzi’s and confidence scams.  Not yet approved by regulators, but currently open to new investors, regardless.

8. PowerShares Dynamic “Mustard Seeds” ETF – seeks to benchmark against the amount of times Larry Kudlow uses the term “Mustard Seeds” in reference to the possibility that one day, the economy won’t suck.

7. Vanguard Distressed Bank Index – seeks to approximate the performance of only the banks that are insolvent; current holdings are identical to the actual bank index.

6. Claymore Unnecessary Asset Class Fund – seeks to provide investors with exposure to niche asset classes like maple syrup futures, baseball cards and locks of celebrities’ hair.

5. iShares Private Equity Vomit Bucket ETF – seeks to invest in regurgitated IPOs that are dumped back onto the market once LBO firms are through levering up the companies and issuing themselves “special” cash dividends.

4. Proshares Ultra Short Hedge Fund Assets Under Management – seeks to provide the inverse of the growth of hedge funds.  Trades 10% higher with every 5% redeemed from the HF industry.

3. Wisdom Tree Footwear Fad ETF – seeks to invest for the long-term in any footwear trend, no matter how faddish it may be.  Holdings include Heelys, Crocs, and UGG Boots (which seem to be getting bigger and hairier every day).

2. Rydex Obese American Index – seeks to invest in companies that profit from the upward revision in weight estimates for US citizens.  Holdings include YUM Brands, Krispy Kreme, and Rochester Big & Tall Stores.

1. Direxion Triple Wrong Pundit Tracker ETF – seeks to provide 3x the inverse return of recently defeated “experts” in sectors like energy (T. Boone Pickens), Newspaper Publishing (Sam Zell), Autos (Kirk Kerkorian), Gaming and Lodging (Sheldon Adelson) and Value Stock Picking (Bill Miller, Richard Pzena, Marty Whitman).

Full Disclosure: Nothing on this site should ever be considered to be advice, research or an invitation to buy or sell any securities, please see my Terms & Conditions page for a full disclaimer.

blog comments powered by Disqus